The only thing that's constant is change. You get wrapped up in so many uncertainties - there's the urge to fling yourself out of the window, diving into the clouds and rainbows below - and yet you know, too, that you could land on something that may kill you. You fear the change since you're so unsure of the future, but at the same time you can't help but eagerly anticipate the things that are to come. It happens - your original goals sway a little, you lose sight of what's important for a second - you get confused on what's right and what's wrong. There are, however, no judgements from others - they can't pass any, not unless you tell them and allow them to judge you.
It's all just a part of living - I say that to myself, mates, and others around me. They look up to me and listen - Anne, you are the voice of reason. You're so in control of your life that it hurts. There's nothing wrong about you, you're doing well in life - with a goal, a vision, a dream and everything you could possibly have. What more could you want? Are you possibly so fickle that you cannot even be satisfied with life's blessings? Why do you not appreciate the little things that happen everyday - why do you not love like you should, why do you not care? Anne, you are so fucking fickle. Get a grip!
There are responsibilities, and Anne, you are responsible. You are responsible for every damn thing you do in life. People do not pity you for they know how headstrong you are in things, they know just how you are when you make decisions - rushed, irrational. There is not much to be pitied there - Anne, you are fickle. After wondering about this for so many years, you can reach your happy conclusion. You are as fickle as the many shallow-minded people out there and someday, the mighty you will fall. Perhaps it is best that you mentally prepare yourself for the day when your tiara goes out of place. You might've been a queen to them, but you're nothing without your pride. If it will be ripped to shreds, then that's how it is. There is nothing that can be done - nothing that can be salvaged. You took the gamble - now you fucking live with it.
That is all - plain and simple.
...
Thailand's coming up next week! The past few months have been hectic as hell. I envy those who have been lazing around, having nothing to do. For me, it's always going 'round here, there, everywhere...not that I mind, though. I'm the traveler - gotta love traveling, especially when it's paid for. Going to Singapore was great - more of a business trip, actually, but it was through that that I got to meet Kenji, an old mate of mine that I've known for quite some time. We had snacks, walked around Orchard Road, and just sat on a bench listening to cool tunes while we ranted to each other about our lives. I had expected it to be awkward, but it wasn't in the end. What would you know - we ended up bonding pretty quickly. It was nice to see him - got as many hugs as I could.
No positive responses from what I've applied to? Oh, well, at least I tried. I'll try and try and try until I die. Sure, it gets disheartening, but whatever. I'll do that shitty hairflip and just try again next time.
I really should do a to-do list. Like, make an actual fucking budget, instead of some lame-o one that doesn't make sense. Must get parents to pay my fees soon. Must drive around more often. What else, what else...gotta send those new clothes for washing...gotta write more shit...update stories...keep applying for more of those writing jobs because that's probably the only thing I can do...pack for Thailand...hmm, I don't know. There sure are lots of things to do. Entertain boyfriend? I don't have the time. See, Anne, you're nuts.
How the hell can people be bored at home? It makes no fucking sense.
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