When the clouds hang low and blue skies fade, leaves of autumn flutter to the sidewalk and crinkle like pieces of faded memories. Take a photo and filter it, have it developed and plastered to your wall. Admire the place you are in, the world you stand at. You have lived and lost and gained so much. You can breathe in deeply and let the moment stand by gently just for a moment; have it disappear into the crash of silent waves far, far away. In that moment, you are allowed to feel. To touch. To cry. To impulsively love and hate and want. You can fight a battle against yourself and that itself is justified.
Dealing with loss is probably one of the things which everyone faces in life. And ashes to ashes, dust to dust - there is sorrow and darkness that unexpectedly descends; a sandstorm on a peaceful day. The nexus of loss and a continuing loss of control is not to be forgotten; but to be worked around with. Islands, jet planes, the screams and shouts of a drowning man, the lost lives of those who have had so much potential - let them not be forgotten; let them go with dignity. The truth will stay hidden until it is unearthed, similarly to so many unexplained things in the history of mankind - where it is a web of complexities filled with lies and deceit. And yet it is all too painful when there is a connection to us. It is clinically analysed, and the numbers fill the statistic bars - but sometimes it is easy to forget that once upon a time, these people were individuals. They were part of society; they were loved and appreciated and honored by others.
Being brave is perhaps the most difficult thing to be asked of by someone who faces an emotional wall standing ramrod straight in their way. But in the face of loss and grief, we must be - because if not, what is to happen to the very foundations of mankind? Have we forgotten about those whose lives were lost in the war, the very ones who sacrificed so much to maintain peace on earth? Bravery is an essential quality of mankind, something that all man, woman, adult and child should strive to possess - for bravery is not judgmental nor sacrificial, it is the purest cry of a human soul that bares its strength for the world to see. Bravery changes live. It makes people try. It makes people live. It makes people love.
There is hope after the tired ache that goes through your head - and that stems from the people around us; people who care. Sometimes, we strive to connect so much that we forget to notice the important ones who would have willingly stood for us at every second of the day. Do not shut them away.
This time, I won't.
This time, I will love and give you my all. You've hugged me and kissed me and given me all the support I have ever needed. We've communicated over the summer with letters that ranged more than 3,000 words each. We know each other because we want to. We could've ended up friendzoning each other but we didn't. I would say it to your face just how amazing you are but I can't - yet. You've taken me to places and gave me all your best to keep me warm, happy and safe. You've opened doors and kissed my hand and lugged my drunk arse home and have been proud of my achievements. I'm proud of yours, too. This time, it shall be a relationship and a friendship and everything in between. This time, I truly mean it.
For the first time in many years, my feelings for someone have been reciprocated.
And I'm damn well gonna enjoy it.
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