Because I'm lifeless like that.
The smell of coffee always lingers in the air whenever I walk past the junctions in the morning.Warm, freshly-brewed - incredibly tempting to the average university student, braving the cold with hands shoved in their pockets.
The wind always sounds so miserable whenever it howls. It's not that I didn't expect it, but the way it whistled throughout the building made me first think that it was the sounds of someone dying or screaming in pain.
I don't get it. Autumn should probably be more beautiful than that.
Not that it's a gray, flat world. No, not yet. The colors of autumn have begun to appear, though. Red, golden, red and golden. Remaining chunks of green, dark and light. Some hues of orange, probably brown. I shouldn't be complaining - it's beautiful enough. At least the scenery changes, differing from the norm.
Things never change much back in Malaysia. The buildings were similar, and the colors were just...constant.
No differences. No changes.
That had been utterly boring. If I had to put things into perspective, I'd say that Malaysia was too boring a place for me despite the vibrant city and huge population. Perhaps it was because many people were the same. Not many had an opinion of their own - and those who had it were rare, and very much appreciated whenever philosophical topics were brought up in conversations.
The people here are...different. They learn and accept things as they go, and are mostly friendly to the new people they meet. I'm not even referring to just the few friends around me anymore - simple things like the bus driver asking me how my day went, or me knocking on a lecturer's window every morning and have him wave in a friendly manner back to me - they're just things that feel warm and comforting - kind of like being in a huge, colorful bubble that you don't ever want to see bursting.
But the bubble must burst in the end, and that much I know.
While I sit here waiting for the computing test time to arrive, I count the hours to the release of SPM results as well. The time difference would be inconvenient, me fidgeting here while the others would be just waking up and getting ready to go.
SPM results, no matter how shitty they could be, would not affect my future. No, no, it wouldn't - but it would certainly affect my self-confidence. Nasty impact, that would be. I have never been too used to the idea of failure. That concept was just simply unacceptable.
How would the results be like?
Would I make my parents (and myself) proud, or would I end up isolating myself in a corner cursing my worthlessness?
Well, we shall see.
Just a few more hours.
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