Unfortunately, I'm back in Malaysia

Home is neither here nor there but where the wi-fi automatically connects.

I miss the ones who I would drink tea with amidst the background of the setting sun, having lively discussions about Supernatural and Doctor Who.

I miss the ones who I would discuss controversial topics such Law and Politics with, our anger and ferociousness annoying and amusing others at the dinner table with us.

I miss the ones who I would drink with past twelve, and we would bar-hop and sing amidst the drunk in the street - smiling and laughing despite South's deathly chills.

I miss the ones who I would wave and say hello to.

I miss the one who once did a pinky promise with me in his sombre, professional voice. 

I miss the one who I held hands with to McDonalds at one in the morning. 

I miss the one who would barge into my room at eight in the morning, flicking my light switch on and running away quickly while I screamed obscenities. 

I miss the days where you and I did our duets on the grand piano, even though you were honestly the one who did most of the work. 

I miss the ones who we would talk about our guys of choice with.

I miss the ones who I would cheerily tease.

I miss the ones who studied with me in the ACR, where we traded dubious looks and mischievous glances. 

I miss the ones who acknowledged my presence, my capabilities, my existence. 

Even if I have failed to be the person I have hoped to be there - even if I have failed to prove myself as worthy - it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter and it never mattered. And I don't care what others say - if I were to be choked in a country as stifling as the one I was born in, you might as well take away my life. You might as well kill me. 

Three more months to endure. 

Ugh, I whine too much. 

Yes, yes, I do.

Here we go again.

What are you dreaming of?

In just two months, I have realized just how much more cynical I've become when it comes to world issues. Thank you Law, thank you Politics. You have made me become a pessimist, especially when world tensions are concerned. It's not my fault that I've started viewing things from a different perspective, it just happens. 

I dream of a far away place where we used to be.

The number of assignments I've been having...damn. In two weeks, I've had to write essays worth 4k words, and in the next two weeks there'd be more essays and legal opinions to do. While I love what I'm studying at the moment, the amount of research necessary for these essays are a real pain. Nevertheless, university life is still more enjoyable than high school life - and it always will be, no matter what happens. 

I dream of a far away place where we could go to.

The people here are nice - immensely so. The days are filled with dinners, tea in the kitchens, gym days, theme parties, tests, assignments, lectures, day outs, and all sorts of other student-related activity that one can think of. There are blossoming romances, love-hate relationships, and just the sort of thing you can expect to happen when you chuck students together in a hall. But I love it, I really do. 

If you do not come to me, I will go to you.

So much to do, so little time. Coffee tomorrow with the peeps, dinner with an old mate - church on Sundays, maybe? May God save me from my sins. Procrastinating on the work, going through a routine, picking out outfits...

Let us help each other out.

And it begins.

There have been so many changes in life. 

...

For those of you who aren't aware of it yet, I'm happily back at a place where I call home. 

Flying back to NZ was a tiring process. I had to transit at Singapore and Christchurch before taking another domestic flight to Dunedin with bags, cookies and everything in tow. Amused, I tried doing a calculation of how many hours of travel time I had clocked over the past few months. The answer was pretty startling, I'd say - there were definitely more than ten flights, and at least thirty hours of being on the road. Oh yes, Anne, you da traveler, so stick to dat and do what you like to do.
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Now this keychain below gave me a problem -

 They basically thought I was communicating in a secret language to other terrorists - or that I myself was a wannabe terrorist - or...I don't know, really. The keychain shaped as a gun was inappropriate (?) - or maybe they thought the keychain had secret powers. At any rate, I ended up being stranded at a side for fifteen minutes while they scrutinized me warily, consulting their senior officers for all that was worth. 

Tired from waiting, I told the officer, "You know what? You guys can have it. It's from the dollar shop anyways." 

Startled, the officer gave me this strange, weird look. Apparently if I was so willing in giving up, then that would mean I was not a potential terrorist, right? After all, the ones who acted all defensive and shit were the suspects.

So in the end, I was allowed to keep my lovely keychain. 

Drinks all around!

ANYWAY.

Living in St Margaret's College is probably one of the best things that could happen to me, ever. As I'm sure I've mentioned before, I first visited it at the age of nine. Or ten, whatever - I don't remember. I was immediately captivated by those flowers, that traditional-looking structure - and of course, the wonderful lifestyle. I remember putting all these personal pleas in my application, and badabinggg, wish granted. 

People have been really friendly so far, even though the segregation between Asians and Europeans clearly still exists in a certain manner. That doesn't mean you can't get locals to be your friend, though, I've had a couple of mates pretty quickly and everything seems to be working fine. It's quite common for us to greet each other on the hallway or strike up a quick, casual conversation at the dining table. 

Which quickly led me to the fact that I was the friggin' minority in terms of coursework and shit. Everyone was a health science student, I was one of the few doing Law and Arts - majoring in English and minoring in Politics, no less. It was difficult to talk about course stuff with others since we were all involved in different things, but people were quite curious as to what my two degrees entailed. 

Looks like everyone can be pals after all. 

The Inter-College Sports Day was pretty fun, even though I did suffer a minor sunburn after that. I'll remember that tight jeans and bad UV rays are a bad combination next time.

 GO, SMC!

Then this was something interesting I found on a library book I borrowed:

 I totally laughed at "Oh Dear". Someone was obviously not a diehard fan of the USSR. Dude probably had a shitload of jokes for Commies and Albania...or whatever country he was referring to at "bugger", I have no idea. 

Then there was the all-amazing toga party, where everyone dressed up in a toga just like the Greek eras in their bedsheets. It was like, a Dunedin tradition. Freshies did that, and thousands of them gathered in the stadium.

 Then there were the catch-ups with old mates. 

This little girl clung onto me incredibly quickly. She just refused to let me go, so I was like, "Heck, I'll just carry you around then."

Another feature of St Margaret's is the formal dinners they have. I signed up for pre-dinner drinks seeing as no one on my floor was that keen on doing so, and ended up being nervous in a whole bunch of people dressed in suits and dresses.

 We also had the Amazing Race. I might have twisted/tore something in the process, seeing as how much I suffered in the days after that. All in all, though, it was great fun.

 There are a lot of serious issues that I have to write about, though. 

First off, the study issues.

Secondly...I still haven't really gotten over the death of a close friend that I have just discovered recently. No one really knows what's going on, and even I have tried my best not to think about it. But the thoughts still come dead at night, after several tiring hours of looking over books. 

I don't know how to deal with it, but somehow I will. 

Till then, it's time for a Law lecture.

Will the days last?

I want to go stargazing sometime in my life just to have the beauty of the universe swallow me whole.

It sure would be nice to explore the stars. I wouldn't mind soaring around the galaxy a little to see the brilliant star constellations and how vast everything is. It would take me eternity, but that probably wouldn't matter if I ever had a chance. I would probably laugh in that silence, revel in some old song playing in my head, and just look at everything in awe. 

Would everything be as poetic as I imagine it to be?

I dream about roaming the world more and more. I've finally arrived back to the place where I call home, but I know it would only be a matter of time before I crave for another exciting, fascinating experience.

Still, now that I look at it, why do I aspire to travel so much? It's not the cheapest hobby to have, not to mention that planning and actually undertaking the entire journey itself is tiring. The standard answer isn't that complicated - I could say the usual things like: "Oh, it's just nice to see new cultures. You meet new people and learn more history - how great can that be?"

Well, of course, there definitely is truth in that question. I love new places - Europe in particular. There's a deep attraction to that region, especially England - and I'm not entirely sure why. Next in line of countries to visit would be Austria, Hungary, Russia - and perhaps even the Nordic nations. Heck, I'm even thinking about a trip to Antarctica just because NZ is so near to it. Egypt, Israel...what about the coldest regions in Canada? It would be nice to visit these countries, definitely. 

But I guess the truest answer is this -

...That freedom always will be my call. 

 

...

And that the skies I shall explore when I exist no more.

...

University life is going to be busy, I can tell. After a long ten hour flight plus a couple of other transits, I finally landed at Dunedin. It took me a shitload of effort to get to my dorm on its own, seeing as there were no taxis available - all had been fully booked by returning students. I was tempted to scream bloody murder all around. Nevermind, I arrived safely without killing anyone.

Everyone at this prestigious dorm seems to be friendly, thank god. Today's welcoming speech had been quite clear and concise - St Margaret's was one of the best, and all of us were definitely going to be the best of the best. I hope to live up to that standard, really. Already there would be formal Sunday dinners where men dress up in ties and ladies get their dresses out. On the list would also be Academic Breakfasts where lecturers, VCs and students mingle. This Wednesday's community service is apparently compulsory - somehow I'm not complaining, which is rare - add to the fact that I haven't gotten my text books yet, nor do I have any idea where next week's lectures are going to be at.

My memory of this place is once again refreshed. Yep, awesome place. Well-kept grass lawns, flowers (holy shit they have sprinklers for this), carpeted floors, chandeliers from the ceiling in the dining room, fresh flowers around the hallway, using the proper cutlery while eating, long dining tables, saying grace, having a whole load of activities...

 

...

I'm not sure what made me want to stay at this residential college at the young age of nine. At nine, I may have been young and impressionable - but certainly not stupid. Yet at that age I had made up my mind that this was what I would work for. Nine years later, I achieved what I wanted. That's great, but what will I make out of this year? Will I use this chance appropriately, or would I sacrifice it? 

That, in all honesty, isn't even a valid question.

Oh, hello.

People, people on the streets - and you know nothing about them. You don't know what kind of lives they lead, what kinds of hardship they face. People are fascinating. I wish I knew them more.

It's three in the morning and I'm about to fall asleep and I'm watching a hundred ways to die on Skyrim while trying my best not to laugh. I nearly fell off my chair laughing at the part with the giant cabbages and marriage. Charming. Absolutely charming. I've watched it before last year, but couldn't resist watching it again. Skyrim humor is never lost on me.

Lunar New Year has begun. 

More posts to come soon.

2013

New Year's resolutions, hm. 

Every year, I have my resolutions.

Every year, I fail to fulfill quite a few of them. 

Thus, this year, I shall not be stupid. As in, I'll stop making resolutions that I absolutely cannot keep. "Stop swearing" is one of those impossible ones, so I'll just forget about it. As degrading as my swearing can be, I guess it's alright as long as I limit it to mates. I control myself pretty well nowadays since projecting a more professional image's important - it's like a responsibility of being an adult and all. 

Right. Let's get on with the list.

1. Advance further in the writing dream.
   
   Being able to write for YILB is seriously a dream come true. I never would've thought it possible. Writing for them is enjoyable, not to mention everyone works as an effective team with editor-in-chiefs, college reps, and a social media group. It's exciting, and I can't wait to experience more.
   
   Will Yilb it up as things come.
   
   Then of course, Anne, you really have to start out on an original novel. Fanfiction isn't going to sell, and you've been there long enough. 'Sides, your dream is to write something that could inspire everyone. Start early - get on with it.
   
   And if you could win like a couple of small writing competitions, that'd be pretty cool too.
   
   
2.  Handle the double degree with as much grace and efficiency as possible - good grades and shit.
   
   Which basically means, less frustrating issues of last-minute studying. More note-taking, more concentration. And of course - this goes without saying that I have to do the best I can in my results. I'm definitely looking at A grades, plus grades that allow me to make the top two-hundred students entering second year Law. Come on, Anne, look at Oxford. You will apply after your degree. Promise.
   
   Law, English and Politics - come at me, bro. I'm fired up for everything, I'm motivated. Let's get that term started.
   
   
3. Maintain a healthy sense of self - physically and mentally
   
   It really isn't a big secret that I have some seriously messed up opinions, but that doesn't really matter. What I have is what I have, nothing much can be done about that.
   
   What I need to do, however, is to maintain this sort of thinking. Acceptance is the first step, maintenance is the second. It won't be easy, but I'll have to do it. With that kind of workload this year, it'll take a lot to stop me from breaking down. I'll do the best I can to stay motivated while making myself feel confident at the same time. This also means being more independent - and less whiny.
   
   
   ...

And seriously? This is about it for now. Of course there are the usual things I'd love to do - traveling, saving up on cash - but those aren't exactly on my priority list. For the time being I'm still relying heavily on my parents, so I don't have the right to talk about anything cash-related. Fall in love? Well, that's not a priority of mine either. For the time being I am contented with myself and the freedom I have. The breakup I had a few days ago alerted me to the fact that being on my own can be quite a blessing - and no way am I interested in tying myself down to a person who talks about marriage and who is angry when I don't text at least once a day. When the time comes, it will come

I have my goals. I have my aims.

That, to me, is the most important thing now.